[Satire] The Jeep Wave is a Gang Sign

Let’s just cut to the chase. The Jeep wave is nothing other than a gang sign. We’ve all seen it. Nothing grinds my gears more than driving down the street, minding my own business, and all of a sudden I see a Jeep driver rollin with their possy. Then out of nowhere, they’re throwing out that five-finger salute to the General Grabber all-terrain tires that lets you know that there’s another group of Jeep bro’s around you and they’re about to have a 50hp bro-down in the streets with their big mud tires. As the herd gathers, they grab their Coors Light, Fireball whisky, and shotguns and start hootin and hollarin. There’s always one member of the Jeep Gang that has a boosted Jeep pushing an “earth-shattering” 127hp. As the testosterone raged gang gathers around the “fast Jeep” they start chanting “DO A BURNOUT.” Without any thought, Ken in his sooped up Jeep sends it. As much as I’d love to see the catastrophic end to this ritual, I refuse to be a part of this. I speed off in my Sonic, leaving their clutch smoke-filled rave in the Walmart parking lot in the past.

So what should you do if you see someone using a Jeep wave gang sign? First, don’t panic. Jeep owners only pose a threat to their own kind and mother nature. Second, keep your distance. Most Jeeps are as slow as great-grandma moving around after Thanksgiving dinner, so this should be relatively easy. Third, look out for the “Ken.” He’s going to be the one with the most lightbars. His sole purpose is to be seen. He’s got more than 100hp under the hood and he’s not afraid to use it. The final step is to spread awareness. Don’t become a victim of the Jeep gang.

This post is sponsored by the Land Rover Defender Foundation. The Land Rover Defender Foundation is a foundation with the purpose of keeping real off-roading alive. Jeeps will get you friends, but the Defender will get you home.